Kinship & Fictive Kin Care in Virginia: First Steps

A Social Worker Just Called About a Child You Know: A First-Time Guide to Kinship and Fictive Kin Care in Virginia

The call came on an ordinary day.

The social worker said the name of a child I knew and then asked a question I was not prepared to answer: Would I be willing to care for them?

Within seconds, my mind was moving in every direction.

Was the child safe? What had happened? Why were they calling me? Did this mean tonight, next week, or permanently? Was I being asked to babysit, take custody, become a foster parent, or adopt? What would I tell my family? What if I said yes and could not manage it? What if I said no and the child had nowhere familiar to go?

Then the social worker used two phrases I had barely heard before: kinship care and fictive kin.

I wanted to help, but I did not understand what I was being asked to do.

If this is where you are right now, take a breath. An unexpected call about a child can bring love, fear, urgency, loyalty, anger, and confusion into the same moment. You may feel that a good person should answer immediately. You may also know that this decision could change the lives of everyone in your home.

Both reactions are reasonable.

You are allowed to care deeply and still ask questions. You are allowed to say, “I need you to explain what this means.” You are allowed to learn about the legal arrangement, the child’s needs, the support available, and the expectations before you agree. A thoughtful answer is not less loving than an immediate one.

This guide is for the person receiving that call for the first time: the grandparent, adult sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin, godparent, neighbor, teacher, coach, family friend, or other trusted adult who suddenly finds themselves being described as “kin.”

It focuses on kinship and fictive kin care in Virginia, what those terms mean, why you may have been contacted, what the possible arrangements are, and how to decide what you can safely and sustainably offer.

First, the call does not always mean the same thing

When a social worker contacts a relative or close family friend, it does not necessarily mean that a child is waiting at the office with a packed bag. The worker may be trying to understand the child’s family network, locate relatives, identify emergency caregivers, build a family and permanency team, arrange safe contact, or explore a possible home if the child cannot remain with a parent.

The call may be urgent. It may also be an early information-gathering conversation.

Before responding to the request itself, clarify the purpose of the call:

• Is the child safe right now?
• Is the worker asking me to provide a home, serve as a family connection, attend a meeting, or share information?
• Does the child need somewhere to stay today?
• Is the child already living away from the parent?
• Is the child currently in foster care, or is the agency trying to prevent entry into foster care through a temporary family placement?

Who has legal custody today?

You may not receive every private detail. Social workers have confidentiality responsibilities, and information can be limited early in a case. But you need enough information to understand what role is being discussed.

If the call was completely unexpected, verify the caller’s identity. Ask for the worker’s full name, agency, office number, and supervisor. Call the local department of social services through its publicly listed number before sharing sensitive personal information. Verification is a sensible safety step, not an accusation.

Why would a social worker call me?

Virginia is a kin-first state. When a child cannot safely remain at home, relatives and other established family connections should be explored as possible resources.

Virginia law requires local departments to search for relatives when a child enters foster care, at least annually thereafter, and before any subsequent placement changes. Family-finding efforts may uncover names the worker has never encountered before. A parent may have provided your information. The child may have named you. Another relative, teacher, family friend, or record may have identified you as someone important.

The worker may not yet know the full history of your relationship. Be specific. Instead of saying only, “I’m a friend,” explain how long you have known the family, how often you see the child, whether the child has stayed in your home, what the child calls you, which holidays or routines you share, and whether you have provided transportation, childcare, mentoring, or emotional support.

Those details help the worker understand what you mean to the child.

Being contacted does not mean you have already been approved. It does not guarantee that the child will live with you. It also does not obligate you to say yes. It means the agency is trying to identify safe, meaningful connections and understand what role, if any, you may be able to play.

What is kinship care?

Kinship care is the full-time care and nurturing of a child by relatives when the child cannot live with a parent. The caregiver might be a grandparent, adult sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin, or another relative connected through blood, marriage, or adoption.

The phrase describes a relationship, not a single legal arrangement.

A grandmother caring for a child through a private family agreement may call herself a kinship caregiver. So, my aunt receives custody through a court. A cousin approved to care for a child who remains in foster care may be called a kinship foster parent or kinship resource parent. The family connection is similar, but the legal authority, agency involvement, available payments, services, and responsibilities may differ significantly.

This was my first major lesson: knowing that I was “kin” did not tell me what I was signing up for.

The right follow-up question was:

'What exact type of kinship arrangement are you proposing?”

Kinship care is often preferred because a familiar caregiver may help a child retain important parts of life during a crisis. The child may know the home, recognize the family’s food and traditions, remain connected to siblings, stay near the same school, hear familiar stories, or live with someone who understands their culture and identity.

Familiarity can reduce some of the disruption of moving, but it does not make the situation easy. Children can feel safe with a relative and still grieve their parents. Kinship caregivers may be coping with the same family crisis that affected the child. Relationships with the child’s parents can become strained. A relative may move from grandparent, sibling, or aunt into a full-time parenting role almost overnight.

Kinship families deserve preparation and support, not the assumption that blood relationship will solve every challenge.

What is fictive kin care?

The word "fictive" confused me at first. It sounded as if the relationship were fictional or less real.

It means the opposite.

Fictive kin are people who are not related to a child by blood or adoption but have an established, family-like relationship with the child or family. Under Virginia law, that relationship must have existed before the child initially entered foster care.

Depending on the individual relationship, fictive kin could include:

• A godparent who has been part of the child’s life for years
• A close family friend whom the child calls an aunt or uncle
• A longtime neighbor who regularly cared for the child
• A coach, teacher, mentor, or faith-community member with a meaningful connection
• A former stepparent or another trusted adult who remained part of the family circle

The title alone does not decide whether someone is fictive kin. A person does not become fictive kin simply by offering to help after hearing about a child. The agency looks at the existing relationship and whether that connection is meaningful to the child.

If you are being considered as fictive kin, be ready to describe the relationship clearly:

- When and how did you meet the child or family?
- How often did you have contact?
- What caregiving or supportive role did you play?
- Has the child spent time in your home?
- Do you know the child’s routines, school, health needs, interests, or extended family?
- How does the child understand your relationship?

Fictive kin care recognizes something children often understand instinctively: family is not defined only by a family tree. A trusted adult can carry history, belonging, culture, and safety even without a biological connection.

Kinship care and fictive kin care: what is the difference?

The simplest distinction is the source of the relationship.

Question: Kinship caregiver, Fictive kin caregiver?

How is the adult connected to the child?

• Through blood, marriage, or adoption
• Through an established, family-like relationship |

Did the relationship exist before the current case?

• The family relationship already existed. Virginia requires the established relationship to have existed before the child initially entered foster care

Could the child live with the caregiver outside foster care?

• Yes, depending on the arrangement
• Yes, depending on the arrangement and agency or court decisions
• Could the adult become an approved kinship foster parent?
• Potentially, if approved, Potentially,
• if the relationship qualifies and the home is approved 

Does the label establish custody or financial support? No 

Both types of caregivers may be asked to provide a temporary home, accept legal custody, become an approved kinship foster parent, support family contact, or serve as a lasting connection. In Virginia’s kinship foster-care law, the term “relative” includes qualifying fictive kin.

Again, the relationship label matters, but the legal arrangement determines what you can do for the child and what support you receive.

The most important question: what legal arrangement is being proposed?

When the phone call feels urgent, phrases such as “temporary placement,” “safety plan,” “custody,” and “kinship home” can blur together. They should not.

Ask the worker to name the proposed arrangement and explain it in plain language. Then repeat your understanding back:

“Am I correct that the parent keeps legal custody, the child would live with me temporarily, and the child would not be in foster care?”

Or:

“Am I correct that the department has custody, the child would remain in foster care, and I would be assessed as a kinship foster parent?”

The answer affects decision-making authority, payments, services, training, caseworker involvement, court oversight, and the long-term options available.

Virginia kinship care can take several forms.

Informal kinship care

In an informal arrangement, parents and relatives make a private plan without a court or child-welfare agency directing the arrangement. The parent usually keeps legal custody.

Informal care can work well for families, but it can also create practical problems if authority is unclear. A caregiver may need documentation to enroll the child in school, obtain health care, travel, or access benefits. If a social worker is involved, ask whether the proposal is truly an informal plan or part of a child-safety process.

Parental Child Safety Placement Program

Virginia’s Parental Child Safety Placement Program, known as PCSP, may be used in certain child protective services cases when a child needs to stay temporarily with an alternate caregiver while a parent addresses identified safety concerns. It is voluntary and is intended to support safety and timely reunification. Virginia’s public kinship guidance states that the placement period may be up to 90 days.

In a PCSP arrangement, the child is not necessarily in foster care. That can mean foster-care payments and services do not apply. Do not assume that “the department is involved” means the same assistance will be available as in an approved foster placement.

Ask for the safety plan in writing. Clarify who has custody, who can consent to care, what the parent must do, how visits work, what help you will receive, how the placement will be reviewed, and what happens when the initial period ends.

Court-transferred custody

A court may transfer legal custody to a relative or other approved caregiver. The court order describes the caregiver’s authority and may address contact with parents.

Custody can create needed stability and decision-making authority, but accepting custody may change or end services connected to an open foster-care case. Before agreeing, ask which financial assistance, health coverage, case management, legal help, childcare, counseling, and other services will continue.

If possible, speak with your own attorney. The social worker represents the agency’s role in the case; the worker is not your personal lawyer.

Kinship foster care

If the child is in foster care, a relative or qualifying fictive kin may be assessed and approved as a kinship foster parent. The child lives with someone familiar but remains in the foster-care system while the case proceeds.

The caregiver works with the department or child-placing agency, completes required checks and training, follows the case plan, supports approved parent and sibling contact, keeps the agency informed, and participates in meetings or court-related processes as required.

Virginia law states that approved kinship foster parents are eligible for the full foster-care maintenance rate and foster-care services. The law also allows case-by-case consideration of waivers for certain approval standards unrelated to safety. Safety standards remain essential.

If you want to be considered a kinship foster parent, say so clearly. Ask for the required forms and process. Current Virginia law says that when a relative asks to become the child’s kinship foster parent, the local department must provide the necessary forms or materials within 15 days. If the request is denied, the relative must receive a specific explanation and information about the appeal process.

Kinship guardianship assistance (KinGAP)

If a child cannot safely return home and adoption is not the right plan, kinship guardianship may eventually offer legal permanence with a relative or qualifying caregiver. Virginia’s Kinship Guardianship Assistance Program is commonly called "KinGAP"

KinGAP is not automatic.

Eligibility, the child’s placement history, the caregiver’s approval, and the timing of the assistance agreement matter. If guardianship may become a possibility, ask about it before accepting a custody change. A well-intended legal decision made too quickly can affect future eligibility for assistance.

Adoption

Adoption may become an option only if reunification cannot occur safely, parental rights are terminated, and adoption becomes the child’s legal goal. It is not the immediate meaning of a kinship call and should not be promised at the beginning.

If adoption is eventually considered, the child’s relationships, history, identity, and connections still matter. Permanency should give a child more security, not require the child to erase the people who came before.

What should I ask during the first call?

You may not remember every question while your heart is racing. Write down what you can, ask for the worker’s email, and request a follow-up conversation.

Start here:

About the immediate situation

• Is the child safe right now?
• Where is the child today?
• Is this an emergency placement request?
• When do you need my answer?
• May I speak with my household and call you back?
• Is the child aware that you are contacting me?

About the role

• Are you asking me to provide a home or to be another kind of support
• What specific kinship arrangement are you proposing?
• Is the child in foster care?
• Who has legal custody today?
• Who would be able to make medical, educational, and other major decisions?
• Would I need to appear in court?

About the child

- What can you tell me about the child’s health, medication, school, development, daily routines, and emotional needs?
- Does the child have siblings, and where are they?
- What relationships and cultural connections need to be protected?
- Are there safety issues that would affect my household?
- What appointments, services, or visits are already scheduled?

About the parents and family

• What contact with parents or other relatives is currently allowed?
• Who arranges and transports the child to visits?
• Are there boundaries or court orders I must understand?
• How should I respond if a parent comes to my home or asks me to change the plan?

About approval and support

• What checks, interviews, home visits, documents, or training are required?
• What financial assistance and health coverage are available under this arrangement?
• Is childcare, transportation, clothing assistance, respite, or counseling available?
• Who will be my regular contact, and who do I call after hours?
• Can I speak with a Kinship Navigator or another kinship caregiver?

About what happens next

• What is the current goal for the child?
• How long might this arrangement last?
• How often will the plan be reviewed?
• What happens if I cannot continue?
• Before I sign or accept custody, can I receive the proposal and support information in writing?

You may think that asking about money, childcare, or respite makes you sound less committed. It does not. Children need placements that can last. Understanding the resources attached to each option is part of responsible caregiving.

What does the child need from kin in this moment?

Adults may experience the call as the beginning of a decision. The child may already be living through a crisis.

Even if the child knows you well, moving into your home can bring grief, fear, anger, relief, embarrassment, divided loyalty, and uncertainty. The child may worry about parents, siblings, pets, possessions, school, friends, or what other people have been told. They may wonder whether accepting your comfort means betraying Mom or Dad.

Your first task is not to make the child feel grateful or excited. It is to help the child feel safe enough to have whatever feelings are present.

Use simple, truthful language approved by the worker.

Avoid promises about how long the child will stay or when they will go home. Do not question the child for case details. Do not criticize the parents in front of the child, even if you are angry. Adult information belongs with adults.

Protect familiar routines wherever possible.

Ask what the child eats, how bedtime works, what name they use for each family member, how their hair and skin are cared for, which traditions matter, what helps when they are upset, and what belongings can come with them.

Offer safe choices:

Which pajamas, where to keep a comfort item, what to eat from two available options, and whether the night-light stays on. Predictability and appropriate control can help when the rest of life feels uncertain.

Familiarity helps, but it does not eliminate trauma.

A child may test rules, withdraw, hoard food, struggle to sleep, become unusually helpful, act younger than their age, or seem unaffected. Stay curious. Ask what the behavior may be communicating and use the professional support available.

How do I handle my relationship with the child’s parents?

This may be one of the hardest parts of kinship care.

The child’s parent may be your daughter, son, sibling, cousin, or close friend. You may love them. You may be furious with them. You may know family history the social worker does not. Other relatives may pressure you to take sides, ignore a rule, share private information, or allow contact outside the plan.

Your role is not to decide guilt, punish the parent, or secretly rewrite the plan. Your role is to keep the child safe, follow agency and court requirements, and support healthy family relationships when permitted.

Ask the worker for clear boundaries.

• Who may call?
• Who may visit?
• Must contact be supervised?
• What should you do if someone arrives unexpectedly?
• What information may you share?
• Do not improvise around a court order or safety plan because a relative insists “family handles family business.”

When contact is safe and approved, small acts of respect can help the child. Use the parent’s chosen name. Share appropriate updates through approved channels. Ask about routines and traditions. Help the child prepare for visits and make space for complicated feelings afterward.

Supporting the parent-child relationship does not mean tolerating threats, manipulation, or unsafe conduct. Compassion and boundaries can exist together.

What support might be available?

Support depends on the legal arrangement, the child’s status, the locality, and the family’s eligibility. This is why the legal-status question comes first.

Potential resources may include:

• Foster-care maintenance payments for an approved kinship foster parent
• Health coverage for the child
• Childcare assistance
• TANF, SNAP, WIC, or other public benefits when eligible
• Clothing or school assistance
• Transportation support
• Counseling and behavioral-health services
• Respite care
• Kinship caregiver training and support groups
• Legal information or referrals
• Kinship Navigator services
• Adoption or guardianship assistance when the case and caregiver qualify

Do not ask only, “Do I get a payment?” Ask for a complete support review:

“Please help me understand every service, payment, benefit, and approval option connected to the arrangement you are proposing and what would change if custody changes later.”

Get the explanation in writing when possible. Program eligibility can be detailed, and spoken information is easy to misunderstand during an urgent call.

What will the agency need to know about me and my home?

The worker’s questions may feel intrusive, especially when you have known the child for years. Remember that familiarity does not replace safety assessment.

Depending on the arrangement, the process may include:

• Criminal history and child abuse or neglect record checks for adults in the home
• Interviews with you and household members
• A home visit and safety inspection
• Information about health, finances, employment, relationships, and caregiving history
• References and identity documents
• Discussion of sleeping space, transportation, pets, firearms, medication, and household safety
• Training about trauma, family relationships, discipline, confidentiality, and agency expectations

Be honest about limitations. Tell the worker if your housing is tight, your job schedule is inflexible, another person in the home has concerns, you lack transportation, or you cannot safely manage a particular behavior or medical need.

The goal is not to prove that you can do everything alone. It is to determine whether the arrangement can be safe and what support would make it workable.

Before I say yes, what should my household discuss?

An unexpected kinship request affects everyone who lives in the home. If time allows, hold an honest household conversation.

Discuss:

• Where the child would sleep and what private space they would have
• How work, school, childcare, transportation, and appointments would change
• The needs and feelings of children already in the home
• Contact with the child’s parents and extended family
• Privacy and confidentiality
• Household rules and trauma-informed discipline
• Financial pressure and available support
• How long can the family realistically provide care
• Who can help with meals, rides, childcare, respite, or emotional support
• Which circumstances would make the placement unsafe or unsustainable

Children already in your home should not carry the final decision, but their needs and safety matter. They may have to share attention, routines, space, and belongings. They may also become attached and later grieve a transition.

Your household does not need to be perfect. It does need to be honest.

What if I want to help but cannot provide a home?

Tell the worker what you can offer.

You might be able to maintain a safe relationship, participate in a family meeting, preserve family history, support contact with siblings, help locate other relatives, provide transportation when approved, care for a pet, bring meals, assist another kinship caregiver, or explore becoming an approved respite resource.

Do not promise help that conflicts with a safety plan or court order. Ask first.

Saying no to full-time care does not mean you do not love the child. A clear no is safer than a frightened yes that collapses after the child moves in.

What if I say yes?

Ask for a written next-step plan before the child arrives, if circumstances allow.

Confirm:

1. The legal arrangement and who has custody
2. The date and time of the move
3. Emergency, medical, school, and insurance information
4. Medication and provider instructions
5. Parent and sibling contact rules
6. Upcoming appointments, visits, and court dates
7. The child’s belongings, clothing, comfort items, and daily routines
8. Your assigned worker and after-hours contact
9. The home approval or documentation tasks are still required
10. Available payments, benefits, services, and respite

In the first few days, focus on safety and connection rather than on creating a perfect new routine. Give the child a tour. Explain who lives in the home. Show where the food, the bathroom, towels, and chargers are. State essential rules calmly. Avoid a celebration that may make the child feel pressured to be happy about a painful change.

Document questions and important events while protecting the child’s privacy. Do not announce the placement or share the child’s story on social media. The child’s history is not yours to publish.

Most of all, keep asking for support. “I said yes” should never be interpreted as “I can do this without help.”

Myths that can make the call harder

“Family should not need training.”

Knowing a child is not the same as understanding trauma, court processes, divided loyalties, or the responsibilities of a new legal role. Training respects the importance of the job.

“If I ask about financial help, the agency will think I only care about money.”

Housing, food, childcare, transportation, clothing, and time away from work are real costs. Planning for them helps make a home stable.

“Because I know the parents, I can make my own decisions about contact.”

Not when a safety plan or court order applies. Ask the worker and follow the written requirements.

“Fictive kin are less important than relatives.”

A longstanding family friend or mentor may be one of the child’s safest and most meaningful connections. The quality and history of the relationship matter.

“If I say yes, the child will probably stay permanently.”

The immediate goal may be temporary safety and reunification with a parent. Do not treat placement as a promise of custody, guardianship, or adoption.

“A child who knows me will adjust quickly.”

A familiar face can help, but the child is still experiencing disruption. Trust the relationship while making room for grief, anger, uncertainty, and time.

Frequently asked questions

Am I automatically considered kin because I am related?

You are a relative, but a relationship alone does not guarantee placement. The department or court must consider safety, the child’s best interests, household circumstances, and the specific legal requirements.

Can I be fictive kin if I am not related to the child?

Possibly. Virginia defines fictive kin as a person who is not related by blood or adoption but has an established relationship with the child or family before the child initially entered foster care. The agency evaluates the actual relationship.

Does being called mean the child is already in foster care?

No. The worker may be exploring a temporary child-safety placement, gathering family information, or seeking a home before or after foster care entry. Ask directly whether the child is in foster care and who has custody.

Must I answer immediately?

Emergency circumstances can create a short timeline, but you can still ask essential questions and request time to speak with your household. Ask the worker when a decision is actually needed.

Can the child move in before I complete all training?

Kinship approval can sometimes proceed differently from a traditional approval because maintaining a safe, familiar placement may be important. Virginia allows case-specific treatment of certain non-safety approval standards, but safety checks remain essential, and required training must still be completed. The department should explain the process in your case.

Will I receive financial assistance?

It depends on the arrangement and eligibility. An approved kinship foster parent in Virginia is eligible for the full foster-care rate. PCSP, private, or custody arrangements may involve different benefits or assistance. Request a complete review before accepting any change in legal status.

Can I ask to become a kinship foster parent?

Yes. Inform the local department in writing that you would like to be considered. Virginia law provides timelines for supplying application materials and requires reasons and appeal information if a relative’s request is denied.

Should I get a lawyer?

Consider independent legal advice when custody, guardianship, adoption, court orders, or long-term financial assistance is involved. A social worker can explain the agency process, but is not your personal attorney.

What if the child’s parent is angry with me?

Ask the worker for safe communication boundaries. Keep the child out of adult conflict, follow the contact plan, document serious concerns, and seek help if you are threatened or pressured to violate a court order.

What if other relatives disagree with the placement?

Refer case questions to the worker rather than debating private information within the family. Focus on the child’s safety and follow the agency or court plan.

Can I say no after initially saying I am interested?

Yes. Expressing interest is not the same as completing approval or accepting placement. Promptly tell the worker if new information changes what your household can safely do.

What if I can care for the child only temporarily?

Say that clearly. A time-limited resource may still help, but the worker needs honest information to plan safely and avoid another unexpected move.

How do I find my local department of social services?

Use the Virginia Department of Social Services to search by locality. If a worker has already contacted you, keep their name, direct number, email, supervisor, and agency office together.

The answer does not have to come before the questions

When the phone rang, I thought the social worker needed one word from me: yes or no.

What I really needed first was clarity.

• Was I a relative or fictive kin?
• What role did the child already believe I played?
• What arrangement was being proposed?
• Who would have custody?
• What would the child need?
• What support would come with the responsibility?
• Could my household offer a safe and steady yes not only tonight, but through the uncertainty ahead?

Kinship care begins with an existing connection, but connection alone is not the plan. A strong plan combines relationship, safety, legal clarity, practical support, healthy boundaries, and respect for the child’s entire family story.

If you have just received the call, you do not have to pretend you understand everything. Ask the worker to slow down. Write down the terms. Verify the arrangement. Include your household. Request the support information. Speak with an attorney when needed.

Then answer as honestly as you can.

Whether your role becomes full-time caregiver, fictive kin placement, respite resource, family historian, transportation help, or simply one safe person who stays connected, the child benefits when adults make careful promises they can keep.

Start with a conversation

If you are trying to understand an unexpected call about kinship or fictive kin care, FosterVA’s advocates can help you organize your questions and understand the caregiving paths available in Virginia, without pressure to make an immediate commitment.